Live Blog: Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest The last couple of years, I've given a
recap on the titular contest. But that's just it... a recap. In
today's world of Web 2.0 and RSS feeds and YouTubes and bleep blops, finding
out what happened afterwards is insufferably passé. Therefore, this
Independence Day, I'll be bringing you the most American event in the
history of America as it happens. But since I refuse to start using
Twitter and I can't for the life of me figure out how to make an RSS feed,
I'll just have to upload the post once the contest is over.
A Real American Hero
11:28 - Started this. I'm watching
SportsCenter. ESPN is carrying this thing on its top station. I
think they used to run this on ESPN2, and before that it must have been on
The Ocho. I don't know how this gets top tier presentation, I really
don't. Don't get me wrong, I love that this is national news. As
long as North Korea doesn't launch missiles at Hawaii, this is likely to be
as heavy as the news gets today.
11:39 - Getting another cup of coffee.
11:48 - First glimpse of Coney Island.
Huge crowd; they say they're expecting 40,000. Great recap of last
year's epic tie-breaking eat-off. Also, a reminder that 26 years ago
today, Dave Righetti threw a no-hitter against the Red Sox. Good
times.
11:55 - Serena Williams talking about how
she beat her sister this morning at Wimbledon. I bet she can eat some
hot dogs. More coffee.
12:00 - It's time! Massive crowd,
great ESPN presentation. Oh man, these people have Nathan's
Thundersticks. I need some.
12:04 - New rule: Dunking may not exceed
five seconds. This changes the whole game. Heinz Ketchup is a
sponsor for this? You don't put ketchup on a hot dog. This will
not stand. John Kerry had better not be trying to go for the
Democratic nomination again.
12:09 - They're showing the competitors get
off the bus. Everyone gets quiet while Joey Chestnut speaks. He
then gets a NYPD escort backstage.
12:11 - I love the analysis.
Kobayashi had a jaw injury a couple of years ago and upon reviewing footage
of his P'Zone contest a month ago, they pointed out that he was folding the
P'Zone in half. This means that he is again able to take in three
inches of food in one bite.
12:16 - Sonya Thomas is so scary. She
could be a super-villain (Marvel style, not DC). Patrick Bertoletti is
looking sharp today, he should be in a Beastie Boys video or something.
12:18 - Analysis of eating styles.
This guy's got a Snorricam attached to his hat to provide "Chew View."
Coney Island isn't too far from Darren Aronofsky's home, maybe he leant him
an old one from Pi. Joey and Kobayashi are sitting together,
getting in the zone. No eye contact. Kobayashi's rocking a
curious hairdo, he looks like Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element.
12:23 - First glimpse of Tim "Eater X"
Janus. No Crazy Legs Conti today? Kobayashi interview... he's
"inhaling" the bun now, could that prove to backfire on him? Kobayashi
versus Kobe Bryant graphic. The judges are being sworn in. This
is serious.
12:28 - Introductions. Again with the
"She Blinded Me with Science" beat. Crazy Legs is IN! He's got a
Michael Jackson glove on, I love this guy. They never manage to get
the introduction and the graphics synched up. Huge intro for Juliet
Lee. Gravy Brown seems to think quite a bit of himself. Black
Widow gets a big pop from the crowd. Leader of the Four Horsemen of
the Esophogus? Best line of the day. Badlands Booker looks in
excellent form today. Eater X gets a good pop. And here comes
Kobayashi... This guy has arms like Mickey Mantle. Joey comes in to
chants and "Baba O'Reilly!" Hold that belt high! Fran asks
"Imagine if you went to high school with him."
12:42 - Underway! Kobayashi is balls
to the wall already. Joey's packing them in. We've got a running
"Dogs Per Minute" tally. Neck and neck between Joey and Kobayashi.
Micah Collins is wearing Chew View, I hope he doesn't throw up. Three
and half in and they're tied at 30. It's starting to get a little
hideous up there. We need more dogs up here. Five minutes in and
Joey and Kobayashi are already past 40 each. Joey leads by two with
four minutes left. Eater X is behind them by about ten but still going
strong. "Nothing short of staggering." Bertoletti into third
with two and half to go! Kobayashi coming right back! Joey's
fighting hard, Kobayashi's unfazed. Bertoletti's REALLY making a move
here. Joey's gonna surpass the Maris mark here, it's a new record!
Minute and a half to go and he's still got the lead! One minute to go!
GO JOEY GO YOU CAN DO IT! He's still in the lead, my heart is
pounding! Joey's jumping to get those dogs down! IT'S OVER!
JOEY WINS AGAIN!!! He looks absolutely exhausted. What a
spectacle. Kobayashi looks upset, but resigned. 68 dogs for
Joey. Holy cow.
12:56 - Official tally, Joey gets 68,
Kobayashi 64 and a half, Bertoletti with 55. Post-contest interview,
Joey's out of breath still and kind of fighting off the hiccups.
Kobayashi's still perched over the table. Joey holds the flag and
trophy high. USA! USA! USA! Star Spangled Banner and
everything. I may have to attend one of these. And now they're
replaying it.
God Bless America. Happy 4th,
everybody!
6.28.09
Goodnight, sweet King of Pop Holy cow, this has been an interesting
week. I'm starting to think that celebrities are an endangered
species. Just a week ago tonight, I was thinking that David Carradine
was going to be one of the most famous people to die in 2009. Well,
you'd be surprised, wouldn't you? Ed McMahon went on Tuesday,
rejoining Johnny Carson. Then on Thursday morning, Farrah Fawcett lost
her long fight with cancer. That afternoon, the reports that Michael
Jackson was dead, too. But this morning, the most shocking death of
all came over the wire: Billy Mays. I talked about Vince further down
the page here, but let's be honest, Billy was the king. Not of Pop,
but of TV pitches. Seems that he got a bump on the head similar to
Natasha Richardson. Only he was on a plane and she was skiing.
The Force will be with them. Always.
There goes my hope of doing a
Billy Mays parody video. I should have done it last winter when I had
the chance (and the beard). Oh well. I didn't grow up in the
70's so I don't care about Farrah, to be honest. Ed was great, there's
no disputing that. David Carradine was the man. He was
Grasshopper and he was the villain in Kill Bill, which was the
Quentin Tarantino movie that I would have already made, only with Wiffle
bats instead of samurai swords, had I been given the opportunity. As
for Michael, I was never really a big fan of his music. MTV's been
playing retrospectives all weekend and I've come to the decision that he
only made two videos that I really really liked, and only one of the songs
was good enough on its own in the first place. They're "Thriller" and
"Billie Jean," respectively. But I can't help but still like Michael
for some reason, as insanely bizarre as I found him. He was
essentially a modern day Charles Foster Kane, trying to get back his
childhood by building a massive home and surrounding himself with all sorts
of toys and amusement park rides. And really cool outfits.
Well, I think I'll sign off
with this video, which I feel is how Billy Mays might want you to remember
him.
6.20.09
You two used to be... buddies, weren't you? Okay, I guess I've given enough time for
you to enter the 'contest' that I laid down a little while ago. The
identity of our mystery man: Matt Berry, as Todd Rivers, as Dr. Lucien
Sanchez from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Here's a hint, one I
assume maybe Dean or Greg might get. The show was originally shown on
BBC 4, but made its way to the States thanks to Cartoon Network and SciFi
Channel in late late late night reruns. I got wind of it thanks to
YouTube, however, and I watched all six episodes (making it Britain's third
longest-running television programme) rather quickly. It's incredibly
funny, and is presented as a horror/medical drama from the 80's.
Berry is menacingly funny as the pompous
actor Rivers, who plays "Sanch" as a hot-shot doctor with a firearm strapped
to his ankle in case of run ins with ghosts and other mysterious beings.
And well, let's just say that I try to be more like him every day. I'm trying to get my hands on another show he did, Snuff Box, in
which he plays a hangman in the employ of the Queen. It's essentially
a string of sketches held together by this concept, but what I've seen is
just as funny as Darkplace.
So there you go. Nobody wins.
Well, actually, everybody wins, because
here's the first part of the first
episode of Darkplace for you. Follow the links on YouTube if you wanna
watch the rest. You probably will.
There goes my Hippocratic oath.
6.16.09
MURDER, HUH? I'm hoping that you all got the hint as to
why I've been away recently. The show went over pretty well. Not
perfect, but a lot of fun. As Jay said, "We've all made a bunch of new
friends on this show." I'm really happy that I've gotten back into
doing plays. I forgot how much I loved it. Now that I'm back, I
don't feel like leaving. Now comes that feeling of "What do I do now?"
that you get when you're done with a show. So in the meantime, I think
I'm going to have to come up with projects of my own. No promises, of
course. You can see some pictures from the show over on the
flickr page.
Maybe you've noticed the picture of the
rather dashing chap over there on the Zonkboard that I've chosen as my
avatar for the time being. I've been having a 'contest' to see who can
'guess' who it 'is.' The resolution's a little low, so here you are...
Guess who and you might 'win'
Dean thought it was the guy
from Dexter, I guess. I don't have Showtime. If I did,
I'd be watching that new show with Edie Falco along with Dexter.
But that's what Netflix is for, isn't it? Regardless, I'll reveal who
that is in the next post, unless one of my five regular readers suddenly
figures it out.
Speaking of Dean, he's on a
road trip up here as I type. This is exciting news.
5.26.09
Self Promotion:
Sneaky peek.
5.19.09
Are you ready for some softball!?
It's May, and that means softball season's in
full swing. GET IT? SWING? I didn't get the chance to play
for the Commerce Bank team last season due to 'schedule conflicts.'
After attending about two games, I resolved that I'd play no matter what
this year. Thus, I'm playing and taking it as seriously as you can
take coed softball on a Monday night. I actually have never played
organized ball, so this is the most fun I've had with anything in a while.
Sure, I'm back on stage right now, but it doesn't get any better than being
a part of a team.
They sell these at Modell's for $150
So what if we haven't won yet?
We've gotten progressively better in our three games. In the first, we
were mercied after three, lost a complete game in the second week, and lost
a heartbreaker last night. The team is a lot different this year,
which I think is also a part of the adjustment. Our old captain,
Jamie, took a new job with Homeland Security a couple of months ago, and it
just seemed like a bunch more fell off after that. Still, the core
remains in tact (Jim, George, Joe, Todd, and Howie are the most prominent)
and everybody else seems enthusiastic enough. No need for ringers yet,
which is good.
Mookie Wilson: Always relevant
I picked "27" because it used
to be my sister's when she played basketball and softball in school. I
played first base through the first two games, and pretty well, too,
considering I haven't actually played the position before. I have been
in on a couple of nifty plays there already. I played right field last
night. I don't really want to talk about it. I only had one hit
to me the whole game and missed it by a step. My bat is getting
something done, though. My OBP is probably at .500 to .600, but I'm
not entirely sure how you calculate that. I got robbed last night by
some guy pulling out a Web Gem for SportsCenter. Still, I had my first
RBI on a sac fly and scored on one of my boy Conor's two homers. I
feel like I've gotten my swing to a very good place through hitting the
batting cage as well as my Hit-A-Way, and I don't feel like going golfing
for fear that it will mess up my mechanics.
Pictures are coming soon.
Hopefully we've got a win coming, too.
5.4.09
An Evening with Louis CK Saturday night, I got the
opportunity to see one of my very favorite comedians in concert. I'm
not just talking about any guy you see on Comedy Central once in a while.
I'm talking about one of my stand up heroes. I've been a fan of Louis
CK's since I was a teenager. I remember back in the day when I watched
Saturday Night Live every week without fail, I'd tape the show and
leave it running for a comedy block that came on afterwards, hosted by Louie
Anderson. This show would run a lot of comics that you probably hadn't
heard of, and some who you knew from years back. I saw some of my
current faves on this show first, like Patton Oswalt, the late Mitch Hedberg,
and Hopedale's Dana Gould. And since I was trying to learn how to put
a decent set together, I'd hold the microphone up to the TV and record a lot
of my favorite acts on tape. The guy I probably liked seeing the most
on this show was Louis CK, and I've followed him ever since. I mean,
I've been linking to his
site for years.
Louis has been gaining in
popularity over the last couple of years with a couple of big HBO specials,
a short run sitcom (also on HBO), and numerous appearances on Conan O'Brien.
You might have even noticed that he played the cop near the beginning of
Role Models. Anyway. Long story short, I found out only a
couple of weeks ago (from Mom, because she's going to be angry that I didn't
give her cred) that he'd be playing the newly renovated Hanover Theatre in
downtown Worcester. After cleaning up pieces of my exploded head, I
immediately purchased two tickets. Not yet sold out, and very nice
seats. Called Pat and we were in business.
First of all, the Hanover is
gorgeous. This was my first visit, and it is absolutely splendid.
I think they can have some actual legitimate stuff come through there (and
they already have). It makes me feel great to know that things like
this are coming to town and maybe the downtown area can really start to
re-emerge. I know that it sounds hard to turn around an eternally
crummy area during a recession, but it's nice to think about. I mean,
I do it all the time in SimCity.
So 8 o'clock rolls around and
after Louis comes on the PA system with a fake voice, he introduces his
opening act... Todd Barry. If you watch Comedy Central, you've seen
him. Seems kind of spaced out, but he's actually quite sharp. He
gave us a great ten or so minutes, most of which was spent making fun of
Worcester, and nobody really seemed to have a problem with it.
Actually, we loved it, and when he mentioned the airport was when he got the
biggest laughs. After Todd's set, Louis came out immediately.
Note: not taken on Saturday, knicked it from
Google
Since some of my readers
(i.e., Jimmy and Karen) are going to see him next month, I won't give away
anything from his set, but I will say that Pat and I haven't laughed that
hard in a long time. Louis can be pretty crude, but he's always great.
He's an observational comedian with a very conversational delivery.
I'm not really sure about how long it was, but it seemed like he could have
done about half of the material and everyone would have left happy. I
anticipated the end of the set about five times, but he just kept coming
back with more. And 95% of it was stuff I hadn't heard him do before.
My face hurt from this big stupid grin I had all night, and I probably
burned 1000 calories just by laughing.
When the set was finally over,
we shuffled into the lobby, where I spotted he CD table. Todd was
already hanging out there, so I told Pat that I was going to "purchase some
swag." As he went out to smoke a butt, I grabbed a copy of Louis' CD
Chewed Up and Todd's new one, From Heaven. I asked Todd
if it was OK to "touch the comedian" and we shook hands. I told him
that I was a big fan and his being there was an unexpected treat. He
was pretty cool, and
signed my CD. Then, out of the corner of my eye,
Louis emerged. I was surprised... I thought he wouldn't be out for a
while. He walked past me and stood at the other end of the table.
I caught his eye and gave him my trademarked "How ya doin?" nod. He
saw I had his CD in my hand and gave me the international hand signal for "gimme
here."
"What's up? Thanks for
coming," Louis says. He asks my name and
signs the CD and the cover.
I told him that the set was fantastic and that I'd been a fan for over ten
years. He thanked me and we shook hands. His hands are weird and
small. But he's a real nice guy, which is funny because he seems like
he'd be a psychopath or something if you were unfamiliar with him.
Only thing I was kicking myself over was the fact that I didn't tell him "Sa da tay," a line from his directorial debut, Pootie Tang. Yeah,
son, I love that movie.
How long until NBC eradicates this clip from
the Internet? Only time will tell.
So if you like really good comedy (I'm not
talking Larry the Cable guy or Dane Cook here, people), you have to check
out Louis CK. You'll probably be glad you did.
4.26.09
My First Class Action Lawsuit Before I get started I should tell
everyone not to get their hopes up, because that "project" I was talking
about in the first post this month isn't going anywhere. Long story
short, it was going to be a viral marketing thing in which I'd create a
YouTube vlog as the character I play in the new play. I probably would
have jumped right into it if the show wasn't pushed back to June. I'm
doing the show, that's good enough, I think. It's going pretty well
right now, too, and the direction I'm going in with the character is
starting to change from the 'vlog' version that I had in the first place.
It's a major award!
And now for our feature presentation.
A week or two ago I got an intriguing piece of mail. It was a postcard
stating that I was eligible to get in on a class action settlement with
Apple. Apparently, since I didn't get a 'slip case' with my original
Nano, I can get about twenty-five bucks. I know the card says $37.50,
but that's the max I could get if there aren't many people who get in on
this. Of course, in today's economic climate, this sort of thing is
like hitting the lotto. (This marks the first time I've used the
phrase "in today's economic climate" on here. This makes me eligible
to be used as a source for MSNBC.) I guess that since I didn't get my
slip case, I was left open to the possibility of scratches that could
"decrease the level of enjoyment" of my iPod. Whatever. I
stopped using my Nano a year ago and replaced it with an 80 gig Classic.
Maybe in that case, seeing as how the Nano was 4 gigs, and my Classic (which
didn't come with any sort of prophylactic device), is eligible for up to
$750 if there's another lawsuit concerning my current model.
You sure got told.
So I sent the card out in the
mail with the iPod serial number and I expect to receive a check sometime in
the future. Likely so far in the future that I will have forgotten
that I was involved in this in the first place. And by then, the
likelihood that inflation will have taken hold, I should be able to use it
for a cup of Dunkin coffee.
4.16.09
You know I can't do this all day You probably noticed that I've
become one of the many fans of Vince Offer, or Vince Shlomi, depending on
who you get your information from. You know him as The ShamWow guy, a
fast-talking, headset-wearing pitchman and former "comedian" who actually makes you feel like a
moron for not buying a towel. I am not a moron. I got one for my
birthday. However, I still haven't used it, the same way most geeks
won't open new Star Wars toys because they know it'll go up in value.
Perhaps a ShamWow is also a sound investment? Only time will tell.
I mean, it's made in Germany.
So imagine my excitement when Vince returned
with his next product, the Slap Chop. Although I could swear I've seen
about seven products like the Slap Chop in the past, Vince makes it seem
like the greatest kitchen tool ever made, worthy of use by any Michelin
Star kitchen. Don't get me wrong, I love Billy Mays, but Vince puts
all the rest to shame. In Vince's words, "look-a-dis."
AWWW YEAH you didn't think I
was gonna pull that one on you, did you? That's right, Vince strikes
back with a somewhat bizarre but somehow even better version of this ad in
Spanish. Sure, the one-minute mark has a lot to do with it, but you
get the idea.
Of course, there's been the
news that Vince recently had a bit of a tussle with a Miami prostitute.
The guys over at
The Smoking Gun provided the story, which essentially is a joke that
writes itself. I can only assume that if Vince were to go with
self-defense, he'd win the case hands-down. "C'mon, you know it, I
know it, a hooker starts chewing on your face, you gotta punch 'er.
We're not dealing with the dry cleaners here, folks." I rule in favor
of Vince.
4.12.09
My video games read my mind
It's
Easter and that means Fran's home for the weekend. Almost immediately
upon my arrival at home on Friday we started playing Mario Kart on the Wii.
After several races of getting our asses handed to us by kids from across
the nation, it made me realize that Nintendo has returned to the top of the
heap when it comes to video games. And it's not like their first trip
to the top in the late 80's and early 90's. Back then there wasn't as
much competition. These days there's a three-way dance going on
between Sony, Microsoft, and themselves for market share. So how does
Nintendo arguably maintain a position at the top?
It's easy. The Wii, which has the
ability to hibernate when not in use, uses something called "Connect24" to
keep all sorts of stuff up to date, including news headlines, weather, and
update messages. Connect24 works thanks to my wireless connection and
it's pretty cool if you ask me. But soon after getting Mario Kart for
my birthday, I noticed that the disc slot glows blue from time to time,
pulsating in an ominous manner. I figured that this is simply a cue to
go and check your Wii messages, usually for a notification about a Mario
Kart tournament that's getting underway. Other people in the house,
though, believe that it's much more sinister. Mom and Dad say that the
Wii reads your thoughts and steals your dreams in the middle of the night.
At first, I thought this was a silly idea, but then I realized it's quite
possible. Maybe this information, along with your high scores and
gaming tendencies, get sent directly to Shigeru Miyamoto's computer,
allowing him to keep his company on top.
The madman at work
I think it makes perfect
sense. I have not once, but twice, had nightmares in which I was
taking part in the events of Dead Space, a survival horror game that
came out for PS3 and XBox 360 last fall and was essentially named the best
game of the year by the gaming community. I've never played it,
myself, though, which makes it doubly strange. Today I found out that
there's a Dead Space prequel coming to the Wii this fall. There
you go, that's all I need to be convinced.
I kid, of course. But
if, by chance, I had the ability to tell Mr. Miyamoto what I'd like from my
Wii experience, I'd say this:
Convince "The Miz" to put
Rez HD on WiiWare the way he did on XBox Arcade. Rez
would be sick with the WiiMote and I'd buy it again in a second.
Hurry up with the "new play
control" games, I'm getting antsy to finally play the Metroid Prime
series.
Design more new games for
the Classic Controller. Just because you have the ability to do
motion controls doesn't mean you have to make every game for the WiiMote
and Nunchuk.
Keep on smiling dude, that
big goofy grin of yours makes me happy.
Send me your Mario Kart
friend code.
Heck yes. I'm no
Nintendo fanboy, but I love that they're the force to be reckoned with once
again. And that thing about friend codes... if you've got one, send it
my way, I need more people to play with!
4.6.09
Uh.. Happy New Year?
RAAAAWWWWR.
In case you've been wondering where I've been, the answer is simple.
I've been hibernating. I turned into a bear after the ice storm and
after Christmas I fell into a nice, long, deep sleep. I'm still a
little bit groggy, but I'll get used to the longer days and such.
The Webmaster, feeling refreshed
So, how do I plan on spending
my spring? Well, that brings me to my return to the stage. I
haven't done a play in years, and I'm pretty excited about it. The
Theater Guilde of North Brookfield is putting on a little show called
"Acting Can Be Murder" and I'll be rejoining with my old director pal Jay
Valencourt. But not only am I excited about doing rehearsals and
learning lines and such all over again, but it's given me an idea for a
new... project. I'll fill you on in what that is when the time is
right. But I'm not gonna let it become like every other thing I start
getting pumped over and then just lose interest. Once upon a time (I'm
guessing about fourth grade) I decided that I would write about how my day
went, adding events as they happened. I took out a sheet of looseleaf
paper and titled it "HOW THE DAY WENT" and made the first entry, which read
"8:04 a.m. - Started this." The rest of the paper was blank.
This remains one of the biggest in-jokes my family has.
Otherwise... I'm just doing
things as they come. Glad to be out of the cave. I could sure go
for a salmon right about now.