Well, the show's over.  I have to thank everybody who came out, it really meant a lot to myself and the whole cast and crew.  Miracle on 34th St. was a great experience for all of us, and I hope that it was for the audience as well.  I have never had a role quite this big before, and I hope I carried it off well.  I want to thank Jay for entrusting me with it.  It's not easy to play a guy who's at least forty or fifty years older than you are, even if that guy happens to be Santa.  I'd imagine it's okay for a young guy to get away with playing him because, well, don't you think that Santa Claus has something that keeps him young?  It's magic, I guess.  Or cookies and milk.

Starring Jonathan Frakes as Kris Kringle

Doing the show did indeed get me into the Christmas spirit.  If you notice me being a bit nicer and smiling more this holiday season, then you probably know why.  That's what it's all about, after all...

Meanwhile, I'm working on some stuff behind the scenes at NP1.  I'm teaching myself some CSS, so if that works out I might do some tweaking around the whole site.  Maybe I can even get that whole RSS feed working and join the rest of the Blogosphere like I guess I'm supposed to.

If you bother to look on the left side of the page these days, you have probably noticed my nifty widget from Last.fm.  I love Last.fm because I have a strange obsession with keeping track of the music that I listen to, and how much.  For instance, I like to make a playlist on my iPod every December that features my "Top 25" of the year, and the site helps me put said list together.  It usually features my favorite songs from albums released that year, maybe a popular radio hit, and maybe an artist that I've happened to discover over the past twelve months.  For 2009, you can bet the former category will be represented a few times by Steely Dan.

A year ago, I couldn't tell you a single song that Steely Dan had written.  I did not know, however, that I already knew most of their biggest hits already because they're what I like to call "supermarket songs," tunes that play at every single supermarket across the country.  "Reelin' In the Years"?  "Peg"?  "Rikki Don't Lose That Number"?  I didn't know who performed them, but I knew the songs well.  And little did I know, I'd be snapping up every Steely Dan album (all nine of them) between last January and now. 

Two major dudes

It all began one lazy Sunday afternoon.  I was listening to music and reading article after article on Wikipedia (which happens to everybody), when suddenly I was overcome with a serious urge to hear something with an electric piano in it.  Don't ask me why, but I just had to hear that tone, and I had to hear it then.  So after checking out the Wurlitzer article on Wiki, I found that "Do It Again" was performed by The Dan, whom I only really knew because they beat out Radiohead's Kid A for Best Album at the Grammies in 2001.  ANYWAY, I continued my research into the group, Don Fagen, Walter Becker, the whole deal.  On a hunch, I had to download Aja from Amazon.  Never before had I heard such a lush, detailed, and expertly crafted jazz-rock album.  This is, of course, because I wasn't really that much into jazz.  "Deacon Blues" became my new favorite song.  I even watched a documentary on the making of the album.  These guys were cool.  REALLY cool.  Too cool for school.  And they were friends with Michael McDonald. 

After a few spins of Aja, I branched out.  Next, I got Can't Buy a Thrill, the debut album that featured the spur of my initial lust for the electric piano.  Very soon afterwards, I got Pretzel Logic.  And then it happened.  I became obsessed.  Every track on Pretzel Logic is a perfect little song in its own right.  For two weeks, it was all I listened to.  If you don't believe me, just go and give it a listen.  When you're done, tell me I wasn't right, I dare you.  From "Rikki" to "Monkey In Your Soul," it belongs in the pantheon of Best Album lists that come around every few years. 

They've got the perfect mix of great sound and great lyrics.  Don Fagen has a great vocabulary and features plenty of esoteric references in his work.  Fagen and Becker's meticulous attention to detail is a thing of legend, and it always has what I classify as the "classic rock" feel and sound.  I think that's what gives them their initial appeal; everything else afterward just comes out on its own through repeat listens.

Just saying these things, though, also makes me scared.  There are a lot of artists out there who have a VERY rabid fanbase of people who look down on you if you don't think they're anything short of God's gift to music.  There's still basement dwellers who think of Radiohead in this sense (I've lightened up, although I still don't think anyone compares at all).  I think there's still hangers-on for Oasis and those guys from Muse have a very Twilight-esque following that makes me uneasy.  Well, take the stereotypical fan of all of these artists and multiply it by about fifty.  That's the way Steely Dan fans strike me.  They are the worst of the worst because they seem to encompass:

• elitists.
• audiophiles.
• people who probably take fencing classes.
• Californians.*
• those who secretly hope for another Al Gore presidential run.

Any time you come across criticism of Steely Dan on YouTube, Twitter, or any other newfangled Web 2.0 standby, vicious and destructive flame wars begin, the kind that cause the original poster to "disable comments."  However, I imagine that DanFans (as I like to call 'em) will have already found all of the offender's personal information and take it to the next level.  I could be wrong, being a new fan and all, but it's the impression that I get. 

"Don and I wanna say thank you, but we honestly never heard of this award."

I regret not getting to see these guys live back in the summer, but I didn't really feel like driving down to Mohegan by myself to see the show by myself in a room full of fencing-loving vinyl enthusiasts.  I kid, of course.  Next time around, I'm dragging somebody with me.  I hear "Kid Charlemagne" is a riot live.  I just hope they don't decide to ditch touring again and go into another twenty years of self-exile.  This time around, I'm optimistic.

*Yacht-rocking Californians, not hippies.  Wiki mentions Fagen and Becker's "contempt of West Coast hippies."

You mad cuz I'm stylin' on you.

Yes, now that arrogant, smug personality has been vindicated.  Only now, somehow, Alex Rodriguez seems to belong.  For so long, it seemed that seeing A-Rod in pinstripes was just proof of the Yankees being the Yankees.  The Yankees had to have him, simply because he had been deemed the best.  But Alex never came through for the Yankees when it mattered most.  And he never fit in with his teammates simply because of an ego that was fueled by the media and his own expectations of himself.  Somehow, this season had to be different.  After the steroids, the divorce, the obvious rift with Derek Jeter, and any other crap you can think up, 2009 had to be a fresh start.  New Stadium, new teammates.  I think that all of these factors, as well as having to miss the first month of the season due to hip surgery, led Alex to swallow his pride and become a part of the reason the Yankees would succeed, rather than be the key.  The result was probably his most influential season to date.  Dating Kate Hudson probably didn't hurt.

Okay, so Alex did seem to carry the Yankees when it mattered most.  But this year, instead of choking under pressure, he thrived on it.  Behind by a run in the late innings?  Alex will hit a home run.  It wasn't just the post season where he did it, he was doing it during the regular season, too.  I ask you to look back to August 7th and remember what he did to the Sox. 

I could go on and on.  I could talk about how CC Sabathia is worth every penny, how Mark Teixeira is the second coming of Tino Martinez, and how much I really love Hideki Matsui.  But you already know all of that. 

The Fantastic Four have done it again

So, what's in store for next year?  Who knows.  It's gonna be a long winter in the meantime. 

If you love the Yankees as much as I do and like your commentary with a sense of humor, I suggest you check out NoMaas.org. 

Hope you all had a great Halloween.

Thing is, this gives me a chance to get in the Christmas spirit a little early.  That's important because my latest play is Miracle on 34th St.  And guess who's playing Kris Kringle?

500 hours in MS Paint

That's right... I'm going to be playing Santa.  Rehearsals are a couple of weeks in and the show is going up on December 12th and 13th.  I haven't blogged about it until now, I know.  But now you know (if you didn't already), and now you know what you're doing that weekend.  You're coming to see me and my friends put on a kick-ass play.

Meanwhile, the North Brookfield Theater Guilde going to be putting on a couple of fundraisers.  The first one is on October 30th, and it's at the North Brookfield Sportsman's Club.  We're putting together a great spookwalk and I hope that you come by to check it out.  We take Halloween seriously around here, you know, so expect greatness.  It's six bucks to get in and we'll have the gate open 7 to 11.  We've got another fundraiser planned for next month, too, so I'll keep you all posted.

LOL I TROLL U

President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize today.  Why?  What'd he do to deserve it?  Beats me.  Let's think about what achievements Barack has come up with thus far in his ten-month tenure as president:

• Close Gitmo.  Oh, yeah, that hasn't happened yet.  A lot of talking but not a lot of doing.  Something about "torture" and "human rights," I forget.  I wasn't really listening, he was still new and exciting and stuff.  *swoon*
• Pull out of Iraq.  Oh, I forgot, we're still there.  Good thing, too, The Hurt Locker was probably the best movie that's come out this year.  Forget the Nobel Prize, Jeremy Renner should be winning the Oscar for his performance in that flick.
• Something or other having to do with Afghanistan.  Except that we're going to do another surge there soon enough and probably end up just like the Russians if we don't decide to either fight to win over there or just pick up the ball and go home.
• The Olympics!  Disregard that.  Act like I never said that and everything will go much smoother. 
• He picks pretty good college basketball brackets.

Never mind what I REALLY think of this guy.  Even if you're one of those people who voted for him just because he was different/not George Bush/cool etc., you have to admit that this is absolutely ridiculous.  Let's be honest, people: the guy hasn't done shit.  Except further trash the economy and endanger the survival of the Constitution.

This is the part of the post where I have to say that "so and so was a WAAAAY better pick to win the Prize blah blah blah" but I can't think of anyone.  Well, actually, I think these dudes might have had a shot:

They saved the damn planet!  Intergalactic buddies!  And they're just getting started (again)!  I saw it twice in theaters and might've seen it a third if I really wanted to!  I'm a raging dork!

I have no words

Needless to say, I am now counting down the days until this comes out on the strength of this photograph alone.

On Friday night, Greg and I caught a performance of The Foreigner at Stageloft in Sturbridge.  I love that show, but making it better was that his father was in the show, reprising his role as Froggie, and old friend Jeremy Woloski as Charlie.  After coming home and staying up to watch the Yankees walk off against the Red Sox, I ended up having to reformat my computer due to a nasty Trojan.  This resulted in a lot of lost sleep while I did a lot of data backup.  Two good things came out of this: I didn't waste any time online while I was in New York, and now that I've got the computer fixed, it runs like greased lightning. 

On Saturday, the adventure began.  I decided to leave the navigation to my Garmin, which seemed like a good idea at the time.  Little did I know that it became self-aware during the trip and wanted to take me all over creation.  First of all, instead of taking me down I-84 to Waterbury, CT like usual, it sent me down the Merritt Parkway.  Now, I happen to enjoy the Merritt, so I didn't complain.  But then it confused me into taking the Bronx Crossover.  In the afternoon.  Before a ballgame.  As excited as I was to drive by Yankee Stadium(s), I was not happy to be there.  I would rather have been headed for the Throg's Neck Bridge.  Instead, Garmin tells me to take FDR Drive.  I know this will lead me into Manhattan, so I turn off into The Bronx, the actual Bronx, not just Bronx Lite on the highway, but ground-level, people walking in the street despite traffic signals Bronx.  Once I got on the street the first thing I saw was Crack is Wack Memorial Park.  I grabbed my phone and called George (whose NYC expertise is unparalleled), and he instructed me to "find the Triboro Bridge, but they changed that to the RFK Bridge, but don't worry about that."  Sure enough, I was right around the corner from the bridge, so after I was over and on the LIE, it was (relatively) smooth sailing. 

The destination, much later than anticipated, was Jimmy and Karen's.  I was immediately mobbed by Liz and (Little) Jimmy, and we had a great time just hanging around.  Later on, (Big) Jimmy and I would go to see G.I. Joe at the movies.  I'll get to that when I do a round up on the movies I saw this summer.  The next day would yield a birthday party for Karen's niece, and so that meant a big gathering of cousins, an impromptu game of bocce, and the chance to get together with both of my brothers. 

Kings of Long Island

Monday would bring some serious bagel action (an "everything" bagel does not feature everything unless it includes salt), followed by a trip to Best Buy with George, Kelly, and Claire.  G and K had just added an elliptical machine upstairs and needed a new TV for the room; I browsed for netbooks in case I couldn't save the laptop when I got home.  That night, of course, was my chance to visit the new Yankee Stadium.  The place is incredible.  It doesn't feel quite like the original just yet (a World Series will change all of that), but it certainly has everything it takes.  The thing that I liked the most about it is how easy it is to get in and out of the building.  The old Stadium was hard to navigate, crowded easily and quickly, and just felt cramped.  The new Stadium is spacious and you can walk it (even with plenty of people in your way) in about half the time.  There's all sorts of restaurants and a museum, as well as a great concourse inside.  You used to have to go down the tunnel and back and forth to get refreshments.  Now you just get up, and there they are.  And the views are all spectacular.  The game sort of took a backseat to the visit, and when it seemed like the Yankees had only lost one game in three weeks or something, I had to see a loss.  Of course, they sat some of my favorites that night and Sergio Mitre (?) was the pitcher, so you had to assume things weren't going to be perfect.  I can't wait to visit again, this place is going to have some very special moments of its own.

The next day it was off to Grandma and Grandpa's house.  I was having a great time hanging out with them and just relaxing with Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live when suddenly... MIGRAINE.  I haven't had one in quite a while.  Sure, why not have one on vacation?  What better timing?  I slept it off with plenty of Advil.  Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Pam all headed out for dinner and brought back some chicken parm for me.  Sure enough, that was exactly what I needed when I finally emerged.  In the end, everything turned out fine.  The Yankees even won! 

Wednesday, it was off to see a show in the Patchougue area.  It was a cute musical called The Drowsy Chaperone, a sort of love letter to the Broadway musicals of the 1920's.  It started out a bit, how should I say... annoying.  I was afraid that the show was taking itself a little too seriously, but by the second act, it had me laughing quite a bit.  There are a lot of great jokes sprinkled throughout the show that you have to be alert to catch, which I love.  The Gateway Theater can pat themselves on the back for their ability to put on a Broadway show in such a small space.  That night I'd finally get my hands on some serious pizza (and ate A LOT of it) and watched the replay of that day's Yankee game while some bozo practiced his guitar across the neighborhood.  Badly.

Thursday, I headed home... but first, I had to make a stop for bagels and bialies.  Visiting Long Island and not coming back with these things is like going to the moon and forgetting to bring back some rocks.  So I have a bag filled with 18 bagels in my car (buy a dozen, get 6 free), starving because I smell nothing but fresh bread and garlic, the whole way home.  I decided to take the Port Jefferson/Bridgeport Ferry home, seeing what kind of trouble I got myself into on the way home.  No sweat. 

That's about it.  I just wish I had brought a notebook to take down the details as I went along.  It was either something like this post, or, well... write a book.  It worked for Klosterman.

Gametime.  It's good to be early.  Lets me stretch.  Lets me get myself in the mood.  Eh, who am I kidding, I stretch about as much as David Wells.  I just can't wait to get some at bats.  I've been taking BP at the cages all week and meditating on the philosophy of hitting.  Be the ball.  Hips before hands.  Follow through.  This is going to be good.  Give me some baserunners, I'm gonna have a big night. 

Hey, Jim.  How was vacation?  Great.  Hate to tell you, but Kevin can't make it tonight.  It's okay, we'll be fine with what we've got.  Oh, Greg's not coming?  Well, who's gonna pitch?  Me?  Okay, sure, I've never done it, but hell, neither did Nick Swisher, look at what he did!  I love that guy!  Hey, maybe there's some scouts coming tonight and I'll go play with those fat, roided-up guys who played in that slowpitch exhibition game on ESPN this weekend. 

Okay, this can't be that hard, all I gotta do is just lob this grapefruit up in the air and hit this rectangle on the ground behind the plate.  Just like Wii Bowling.  Let's go... okay, a little left.  A little right.  WAY right.  Okay, this isn't going so well.  It's okay, focus.  Strike!  Alright, that's it, I got it.  Let's go for two in a row.  Okay, that was two feet in front of the plate.  So was that one.  Hey, Jim, maybe you oughta try for a bit.  I like your delivery.  At least I'd swing at those.  Oh, hey, Conor just got here, I'll see if he wants to pitch instead.

Hey, Jim, Conor got this horrified look on his face when I asked him if he wanted to pitch.  Oh, you've already penciled me in as the pitcher.  That's cool, you're the coach.  You're a better left fielder than I am, anyway. 

Awwwwwwright.  Play ball.  It's a lot easier to prevent the team from scoring if they'd actually swing.  That way the ball would be in play.  I've got a great infield behind me, and that's how Chien Ming Wang gets his outs... when he's healthy.  Never mind, the sun's in our eyes.  I didn't know you could walk so many guys in a row.  How the hell many runs has this been?  This isn't like Wii Bowling at all.

Finally, an at-bat.  That's gonna be a ball.  Nice, 2 and 1.  Too low... strike.  Ugh.  You gotta be kidding.  Gotta swing at something close now... HANDLE.  Hey, I beat it out.  Way to go, Caputo.  Way to go.

One hour later:

I can't believe I'm still in.  Can't they see I'm getting mauled up here?  Arlene is a saint for catching me for so long.  Conor's still egging me on.  So is Joe.  And pretty much everybody else.  And we're gonna get mercied, aren't we?  At least it's almost over.  Oh, Jesus, that was a line drive headed for my crotch.  In the old days I might've grabbed that.  El Duque I ain't.  More like Billy Traber.  Kevin Brown, that's it. 

Mercy rule?  Yes please.  I'm done.  Line up to give some high fives.  The other team actually gives me some pats on the back.  So does mine.  At least we can laugh.  Still hurts, though.  We'll be laughing about this tomorrow.  Had a good time, guys, see you all next week.  Playoffs already?  How'd we get in?  Does everybody?  I guess so. 

Maybe I'll practice my pitching.  We could use a closer.  I've got an ERA to shrink.

I have no idea what I'm looking at

They had my plate number, but I knew that whoever took the number of the offending car must have taken it down wrong.  They didn't have any description of the car, either.  I immediately visited the city's labyrinthine website, finding an anachronistic form to fill out and dispute the ticket.  All I told them was that I have never been to Cambridge and that I spent the day at work in Worcester, which was all true.  And then I waited.  And waited.  Last week I finally got a letter back from Cambridge, and they'd luckily dismissed my ticket.  That was a close one.  I was starting to think that their website didn't work, which wouldn't have been a surprise to me.
 

I have only seen these ivy covered walls in photographs

This is reminiscent of the first ticket I ever received, in which I was cited for "parking in a handicapped zone."  That is, if you consider having your tires on top of the line because it's the only space you can find on the block.  In the half hour I spent in that position, I had a $200 ticket on my windshield.  I took a bunch of photos and sent the best letter I possibly could.  If I could get that one dismissed, I could get out of anything.  Sure enough, it worked. 

Of course, there are times when I feel that it's only fair to pay a ticket.  Last summer, I was visiting Sarah in Providence and ended up having to park on the street.  I knew that I would likely end up with a ticket, but Providence is a nice town, and they make their tickets very easy to pay, too.  The imposing orange ticket actually has an envelope built into it.  All you need to do is sign and stick a check in it.  Well damn, if you're going to make it that simple, I'll pay twice.

What is this I don't even

So just remember kids, when you think you're doomed to pay up, you've got options.  Let bureaucracy work for you, and let them figure it out.  Then go watch Brazil, and you'll have a little chuckle.

A Real American Hero

11:28 - Started this.  I'm watching SportsCenter.  ESPN is carrying this thing on its top station.  I think they used to run this on ESPN2, and before that it must have been on The Ocho.  I don't know how this gets top tier presentation, I really don't.  Don't get me wrong, I love that this is national news.  As long as North Korea doesn't launch missiles at Hawaii, this is likely to be as heavy as the news gets today.

11:39 - Getting another cup of coffee.

11:48 - First glimpse of Coney Island.  Huge crowd; they say they're expecting 40,000.  Great recap of last year's epic tie-breaking eat-off.  Also, a reminder that 26 years ago today, Dave Righetti threw a no-hitter against the Red Sox.  Good times. 

11:55 - Serena Williams talking about how she beat her sister this morning at Wimbledon.  I bet she can eat some hot dogs.  More coffee.

12:00 - It's time!  Massive crowd, great ESPN presentation.  Oh man, these people have Nathan's Thundersticks.  I need some. 

12:04 - New rule: Dunking may not exceed five seconds.  This changes the whole game.  Heinz Ketchup is a sponsor for this?  You don't put ketchup on a hot dog.  This will not stand.  John Kerry had better not be trying to go for the Democratic nomination again.

12:09 - They're showing the competitors get off the bus.  Everyone gets quiet while Joey Chestnut speaks.  He then gets a NYPD escort backstage. 

12:11 - I love the analysis.  Kobayashi had a jaw injury a couple of years ago and upon reviewing footage of his P'Zone contest a month ago, they pointed out that he was folding the P'Zone in half.  This means that he is again able to take in three inches of food in one bite. 

12:16 - Sonya Thomas is so scary.  She could be a super-villain (Marvel style, not DC).  Patrick Bertoletti is looking sharp today, he should be in a Beastie Boys video or something. 

12:18 - Analysis of eating styles.  This guy's got a Snorricam attached to his hat to provide "Chew View."  Coney Island isn't too far from Darren Aronofsky's home, maybe he leant him an old one from Pi.  Joey and Kobayashi are sitting together, getting in the zone.  No eye contact.  Kobayashi's rocking a curious hairdo, he looks like Gary Oldman in The Fifth Element.

12:23 - First glimpse of Tim "Eater X" Janus.  No Crazy Legs Conti today?  Kobayashi interview... he's "inhaling" the bun now, could that prove to backfire on him?  Kobayashi versus Kobe Bryant graphic.  The judges are being sworn in.  This is serious. 

12:28 - Introductions.  Again with the "She Blinded Me with Science" beat.  Crazy Legs is IN!  He's got a Michael Jackson glove on, I love this guy.  They never manage to get the introduction and the graphics synched up.  Huge intro for Juliet Lee.  Gravy Brown seems to think quite a bit of himself.  Black Widow gets a big pop from the crowd.  Leader of the Four Horsemen of the Esophogus?  Best line of the day.  Badlands Booker looks in excellent form today.  Eater X gets a good pop.  And here comes Kobayashi... This guy has arms like Mickey Mantle.  Joey comes in to chants and "Baba O'Reilly!"  Hold that belt high!  Fran asks "Imagine if you went to high school with him." 

12:42 - Underway!  Kobayashi is balls to the wall already.  Joey's packing them in.  We've got a running "Dogs Per Minute" tally.  Neck and neck between Joey and Kobayashi.  Micah Collins is wearing Chew View, I hope he doesn't throw up.  Three and half in and they're tied at 30.  It's starting to get a little hideous up there.  We need more dogs up here.  Five minutes in and Joey and Kobayashi are already past 40 each.  Joey leads by two with four minutes left.  Eater X is behind them by about ten but still going strong.  "Nothing short of staggering."  Bertoletti into third with two and half to go!  Kobayashi coming right back!  Joey's fighting hard, Kobayashi's unfazed.  Bertoletti's REALLY making a move here.  Joey's gonna surpass the Maris mark here, it's a new record!  Minute and a half to go and he's still got the lead!  One minute to go!  GO JOEY GO YOU CAN DO IT!  He's still in the lead, my heart is pounding!  Joey's jumping to get those dogs down!  IT'S OVER!  JOEY WINS AGAIN!!!  He looks absolutely exhausted.  What a spectacle.  Kobayashi looks upset, but resigned.  68 dogs for Joey.  Holy cow. 

12:56 - Official tally, Joey gets 68, Kobayashi 64 and a half, Bertoletti with 55.  Post-contest interview, Joey's out of breath still and kind of fighting off the hiccups.  Kobayashi's still perched over the table.  Joey holds the flag and trophy high.  USA!  USA!  USA!  Star Spangled Banner and everything.  I may have to attend one of these.  And now they're replaying it. 

God Bless America.  Happy 4th, everybody!

The Force will be with them.  Always.

There goes my hope of doing a Billy Mays parody video.  I should have done it last winter when I had the chance (and the beard).  Oh well.  I didn't grow up in the 70's so I don't care about Farrah, to be honest.  Ed was great, there's no disputing that.  David Carradine was the man.  He was Grasshopper and he was the villain in Kill Bill, which was the Quentin Tarantino movie that I would have already made, only with Wiffle bats instead of samurai swords, had I been given the opportunity.  As for Michael, I was never really a big fan of his music.  MTV's been playing retrospectives all weekend and I've come to the decision that he only made two videos that I really really liked, and only one of the songs was good enough on its own in the first place.  They're "Thriller" and "Billie Jean," respectively.  But I can't help but still like Michael for some reason, as insanely bizarre as I found him.  He was essentially a modern day Charles Foster Kane, trying to get back his childhood by building a massive home and surrounding himself with all sorts of toys and amusement park rides.  And really cool outfits.

Well, I think I'll sign off with this video, which I feel is how Billy Mays might want you to remember him.

Berry is menacingly funny as the pompous actor Rivers, who plays "Sanch" as a hot-shot doctor with a firearm strapped to his ankle in case of run ins with ghosts and other mysterious beings.  And well, let's just say that I try to be more like him every day.  I'm trying to get my hands on another show he did, Snuff Box, in which he plays a hangman in the employ of the Queen.  It's essentially a string of sketches held together by this concept, but what I've seen is just as funny as Darkplace. 

So there you go.  Nobody wins.  Well, actually, everybody wins, because here's the first part of the first episode of Darkplace for you.  Follow the links on YouTube if you wanna watch the rest.  You probably will.

 
There goes my Hippocratic oath.

Maybe you've noticed the picture of the rather dashing chap over there on the Zonkboard that I've chosen as my avatar for the time being.  I've been having a 'contest' to see who can 'guess' who it 'is.'  The resolution's a little low, so here you are...

Guess who and you might 'win'

Dean thought it was the guy from Dexter, I guess.  I don't have Showtime.  If I did, I'd be watching that new show with Edie Falco along with Dexter.  But that's what Netflix is for, isn't it?  Regardless, I'll reveal who that is in the next post, unless one of my five regular readers suddenly figures it out. 

Speaking of Dean, he's on a road trip up here as I type.  This is exciting news.

 
Sneaky peek.

They sell these at Modell's for $150

So what if we haven't won yet?  We've gotten progressively better in our three games.  In the first, we were mercied after three, lost a complete game in the second week, and lost a heartbreaker last night.  The team is a lot different this year, which I think is also a part of the adjustment.  Our old captain, Jamie, took a new job with Homeland Security a couple of months ago, and it just seemed like a bunch more fell off after that.  Still, the core remains in tact (Jim, George, Joe, Todd, and Howie are the most prominent) and everybody else seems enthusiastic enough.  No need for ringers yet, which is good. 

Mookie Wilson: Always relevant

I picked "27" because it used to be my sister's when she played basketball and softball in school.  I played first base through the first two games, and pretty well, too, considering I haven't actually played the position before.  I have been in on a couple of nifty plays there already.  I played right field last night.  I don't really want to talk about it.  I only had one hit to me the whole game and missed it by a step.  My bat is getting something done, though.  My OBP is probably at .500 to .600, but I'm not entirely sure how you calculate that.  I got robbed last night by some guy pulling out a Web Gem for SportsCenter.  Still, I had my first RBI on a sac fly and scored on one of my boy Conor's two homers.  I feel like I've gotten my swing to a very good place through hitting the batting cage as well as my Hit-A-Way, and I don't feel like going golfing for fear that it will mess up my mechanics.

Pictures are coming soon.  Hopefully we've got a win coming, too. 

Louis has been gaining in popularity over the last couple of years with a couple of big HBO specials, a short run sitcom (also on HBO), and numerous appearances on Conan O'Brien.  You might have even noticed that he played the cop near the beginning of Role Models.  Anyway.  Long story short, I found out only a couple of weeks ago (from Mom, because she's going to be angry that I didn't give her cred) that he'd be playing the newly renovated Hanover Theatre in downtown Worcester.  After cleaning up pieces of my exploded head, I immediately purchased two tickets.  Not yet sold out, and very nice seats.  Called Pat and we were in business.

First of all, the Hanover is gorgeous.  This was my first visit, and it is absolutely splendid.  I think they can have some actual legitimate stuff come through there (and they already have).  It makes me feel great to know that things like this are coming to town and maybe the downtown area can really start to re-emerge.  I know that it sounds hard to turn around an eternally crummy area during a recession, but it's nice to think about.  I mean, I do it all the time in SimCity.

So 8 o'clock rolls around and after Louis comes on the PA system with a fake voice, he introduces his opening act... Todd Barry.  If you watch Comedy Central, you've seen him.  Seems kind of spaced out, but he's actually quite sharp.  He gave us a great ten or so minutes, most of which was spent making fun of Worcester, and nobody really seemed to have a problem with it.  Actually, we loved it, and when he mentioned the airport was when he got the biggest laughs.  After Todd's set, Louis came out immediately. 

Note: not taken on Saturday, knicked it from Google

Since some of my readers (i.e., Jimmy and Karen) are going to see him next month, I won't give away anything from his set, but I will say that Pat and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  Louis can be pretty crude, but he's always great.  He's an observational comedian with a very conversational delivery.  I'm not really sure about how long it was, but it seemed like he could have done about half of the material and everyone would have left happy.  I anticipated the end of the set about five times, but he just kept coming back with more.  And 95% of it was stuff I hadn't heard him do before.  My face hurt from this big stupid grin I had all night, and I probably burned 1000 calories just by laughing. 

When the set was finally over, we shuffled into the lobby, where I spotted he CD table.  Todd was already hanging out there, so I told Pat that I was going to "purchase some swag."  As he went out to smoke a butt, I grabbed a copy of Louis' CD Chewed Up and Todd's new one, From Heaven.  I asked Todd if it was OK to "touch the comedian" and we shook hands.  I told him that I was a big fan and his being there was an unexpected treat.  He was pretty cool, and signed my CD.  Then, out of the corner of my eye, Louis emerged.  I was surprised... I thought he wouldn't be out for a while.  He walked past me and stood at the other end of the table.  I caught his eye and gave him my trademarked "How ya doin?" nod.  He saw I had his CD in my hand and gave me the international hand signal for "gimme here." 

"What's up?  Thanks for coming," Louis says.  He asks my name and signs the CD and the cover.  I told him that the set was fantastic and that I'd been a fan for over ten years.  He thanked me and we shook hands.  His hands are weird and small.  But he's a real nice guy, which is funny because he seems like he'd be a psychopath or something if you were unfamiliar with him.  Only thing I was kicking myself over was the fact that I didn't tell him "Sa da tay," a line from his directorial debut, Pootie Tang.  Yeah, son, I love that movie.

 
How long until NBC eradicates this clip from the Internet?  Only time will tell.

So if you like really good comedy (I'm not talking Larry the Cable guy or Dane Cook here, people), you have to check out Louis CK.  You'll probably be glad you did.

It's a major award!

And now for our feature presentation.  A week or two ago I got an intriguing piece of mail.  It was a postcard stating that I was eligible to get in on a class action settlement with Apple.  Apparently, since I didn't get a 'slip case' with my original Nano, I can get about twenty-five bucks.  I know the card says $37.50, but that's the max I could get if there aren't many people who get in on this.  Of course, in today's economic climate, this sort of thing is like hitting the lotto.  (This marks the first time I've used the phrase "in today's economic climate" on here.  This makes me eligible to be used as a source for MSNBC.)  I guess that since I didn't get my slip case, I was left open to the possibility of scratches that could "decrease the level of enjoyment" of my iPod.  Whatever.  I stopped using my Nano a year ago and replaced it with an 80 gig Classic.  Maybe in that case, seeing as how the Nano was 4 gigs, and my Classic (which didn't come with any sort of prophylactic device), is eligible for up to $750 if there's another lawsuit concerning my current model.

You sure got told.

So I sent the card out in the mail with the iPod serial number and I expect to receive a check sometime in the future.  Likely so far in the future that I will have forgotten that I was involved in this in the first place.  And by then, the likelihood that inflation will have taken hold, I should be able to use it for a cup of Dunkin coffee.

So imagine my excitement when Vince returned with his next product, the Slap Chop.  Although I could swear I've seen about seven products like the Slap Chop in the past, Vince makes it seem like the greatest kitchen tool ever made, worthy of use by any Michelin Star kitchen.  Don't get me wrong, I love Billy Mays, but Vince puts all the rest to shame.  In Vince's words, "look-a-dis."

AWWW YEAH you didn't think I was gonna pull that one on you, did you?  That's right, Vince strikes back with a somewhat bizarre but somehow even better version of this ad in Spanish.  Sure, the one-minute mark has a lot to do with it, but you get the idea. 

Of course, there's been the news that Vince recently had a bit of a tussle with a Miami prostitute.  The guys over at The Smoking Gun provided the story, which essentially is a joke that writes itself.  I can only assume that if Vince were to go with self-defense, he'd win the case hands-down.  "C'mon, you know it, I know it, a hooker starts chewing on your face, you gotta punch 'er.  We're not dealing with the dry cleaners here, folks."  I rule in favor of Vince. 

It's easy.  The Wii, which has the ability to hibernate when not in use, uses something called "Connect24" to keep all sorts of stuff up to date, including news headlines, weather, and update messages.  Connect24 works thanks to my wireless connection and it's pretty cool if you ask me.  But soon after getting Mario Kart for my birthday, I noticed that the disc slot glows blue from time to time, pulsating in an ominous manner.  I figured that this is simply a cue to go and check your Wii messages, usually for a notification about a Mario Kart tournament that's getting underway.  Other people in the house, though, believe that it's much more sinister.  Mom and Dad say that the Wii reads your thoughts and steals your dreams in the middle of the night.  At first, I thought this was a silly idea, but then I realized it's quite possible.  Maybe this information, along with your high scores and gaming tendencies, get sent directly to Shigeru Miyamoto's computer, allowing him to keep his company on top.

The madman at work

I think it makes perfect sense.  I have not once, but twice, had nightmares in which I was taking part in the events of Dead Space, a survival horror game that came out for PS3 and XBox 360 last fall and was essentially named the best game of the year by the gaming community.  I've never played it, myself, though, which makes it doubly strange.  Today I found out that there's a Dead Space prequel coming to the Wii this fall.  There you go, that's all I need to be convinced. 

I kid, of course.  But if, by chance, I had the ability to tell Mr. Miyamoto what I'd like from my Wii experience, I'd say this:

• Convince "The Miz" to put Rez HD on WiiWare the way he did on XBox Arcade.  Rez would be sick with the WiiMote and I'd buy it again in a second.

• Hurry up with the "new play control" games, I'm getting antsy to finally play the Metroid Prime series.

• Design more new games for the Classic Controller.  Just because you have the ability to do motion controls doesn't mean you have to make every game for the WiiMote and Nunchuk.

• Keep on smiling dude, that big goofy grin of yours makes me happy.

• Send me your Mario Kart friend code.

Heck yes.  I'm no Nintendo fanboy, but I love that they're the force to be reckoned with once again.  And that thing about friend codes... if you've got one, send it my way, I need more people to play with!

The Webmaster, feeling refreshed

So, how do I plan on spending my spring?  Well, that brings me to my return to the stage.  I haven't done a play in years, and I'm pretty excited about it.  The Theater Guilde of North Brookfield is putting on a little show called "Acting Can Be Murder" and I'll be rejoining with my old director pal Jay Valencourt.  But not only am I excited about doing rehearsals and learning lines and such all over again, but it's given me an idea for a new... project.  I'll fill you on in what that is when the time is right.  But I'm not gonna let it become like every other thing I start getting pumped over and then just lose interest.  Once upon a time (I'm guessing about fourth grade) I decided that I would write about how my day went, adding events as they happened.  I took out a sheet of looseleaf paper and titled it "HOW THE DAY WENT" and made the first entry, which read "8:04 a.m. - Started this."  The rest of the paper was blank.  This remains one of the biggest in-jokes my family has.

Otherwise... I'm just doing things as they come.  Glad to be out of the cave.  I could sure go for a salmon right about now.